Learning to Love My Normal: A Bomb Squad Truck Told Me So

To fully understand the awesomeness behind this next story... I have to tell you that for years - almost 6 or 7 years - we've referred to our family as "The BomSquad". It's a cute derivative of our last name. My mom actually came up with it when she was helping me think of a name for our first blog - a family blog that I religiously (and obsessively) have kept updated for years. The name has not only "stuck" - it's become our call-sign as a family and most of our friends and family refer to us as such. We've since added email addresses, updated our mailing labels, even used it as part of our home decor in a few places. It is who we are as a family. I love my "bomsquad" - and that's just what they've proven to be... tough, brave, we face explosive situations together and we hold strong...

May 16, 2012... I was sick to my stomach. Nauseated. The puffiness surrounding my bloodshot eyes was indication that it had been a particularly rough few days. Eric had been diagnosed just two weeks before and the whirlwind that ensued had been emotionally crushing and physically draining. We had gone through the process of interviewing doctors and had chosen our Oncology team - then proceeded with the endless battery of tests to stage him. A whole new vocabulary of words and terms had been presented to us, then there was the reading. So much reading and learning to do. The constant poking and prodding, scan after scan - a bone marrow biopsy. Appointments now dominated a calendar that was once filled with lunch dates, play dates and gymnastics. Awful doesn't even begin to describe the feeling of erasing a soccer practice and putting an Oncology appointment on instead. The questions that remained unanswered during this time plagued us. How bad is it? Did we catch it early? Are we saying the right things to the kids? Do we have the money to weather this? Is Eric going to die? Am I going to be a widow with 4 little kids? How will we EVER do this? I would rate those couple of weeks as some of the scariest, most emotionally intense of my life.

During those two weeks, prayer took on a whole new life within me. No longer was it the standard, same-old going-through-the-motions kind of prayer. It became an emotional, pouring out of the brokenness from my heart to the Almighty, begging for Him to have mercy on us. At times I doubted. Was he REALLY there? We are a good family. How could He let this happen to us? As we drove to the Cancer Center that day to get the results of Eric's staging... I continued my pleading; heart pounding nerves reached new heights and I'm pretty sure my blood pressure was on overdrive. Knowing what I know now... I think the Lord was shaking his head lovingly at my wavering faith and smiled knowing what little treat I was about to find. And boy, was it EVER a treat, the coolest divine treat you can imagine! It's a gesture I'll never forget - the moment we pulled into the parking lot, He made Himself known.

I am not kidding. When we pulled in... a "Bomb Squad" vehicle was parked right in front at the drop off area. We both saw it immediately and reacted with total surprise. What in the world was a Bomb Squad truck doing at a Cancer Center? There were no other emergency cars around, no sirens... NO POSSIBLE reason this truck should be there. Eric and I looked at each other; my jaw dropped and he smiled. We were thinking the same thing, "Hey... WE ARE the BomSquad!" Nerves shed effortlessly from my body and we totally busted out laughing. At that VERY moment, in this big wide world, during THE MOST STRESSFUL moment of our life yet... God had sent a fun and very personal message that He knows us, He knows our family (even what we call ourselves)... and that He knows VERY LITERALLY where we are and what we are going though. A Bomb Squad truck at a Cancer Center... at precisely our appointment time, right when I was about to loose every last marble I had? A smile spread across my face and I undeniably realized that we were in the RIGHT PLACE at the RIGHT TIME, that God was absolutely with us and that all would be well. For the first time, I realized that I can do this. I can barely describe how it felt as calmness and gratitude flooded my body... seeing that truck was as good as God reaching out and hugging me Himself. Being the blogger that I am - I always have a camera in my purse and I remember Eric winking at me and saying... "Soooooo... are you going to take a picture of it?" Me... "Ummmm.... Yeah. I would say so!" It's a moment I'll never forget and I'm so glad we were there together to see it.

Tender mercies are all around us if we just take a moment to notice them. Our life never really got easier, in fact... that day started a two year battle for Eric's life that has rocked us to the core... but I think of this day often. I think of that "divinely placed" Bomb Squad vehicle all the time and it has carried me through our toughest days. It's been a literal reminder of how personally the Lord knows me and I've never questioned that since. He's knows us each so well... and if we are mindful and pay attention, we'll all see the beautiful "signatures" He leaves for us to find. He wants us to know He's there... we just have to be willing to look, willing to see. I believe when I look back at my life from the other side, I'll look at this as one of my most favorite life experiences... as it was the day I knew, unequivocally, that God was there, that He loved me and would be with us every step of the way.

Please know that He's there for you, too. That is something I know for certain... for a Bomb Squad truck on a hard day in May told me so. :)